Mah expenses an' transparency

Richt! Since thon boy Cameron' gangin oaf oan ane aboot honesty an' transparency, ah'll publish some o' mah expenses details. It micht explain tae thon taxpayers exactly whit ah'm aboot.

Ah'm a workin' class lad o' simple tastes. Whit ah like the best fir mah tea (an' it's tea - it isnae dinner, ah had tae sack twa waiters fir ca'in it dinner, the ba-heids) is a munchy box. Ye get them in Glesgae after a nicht oan the pish.



Ah'm still close tae mah roots, so ah dinnae go fir ony hoity toity hoite coosine or onythin' fancy. Mary Doll would boke, likes, an' a! So ah get ma staff tae fly me doon a munchy box frae Glesgae every nicht, frae mah favourite chipper. They fly it doon in a special plane, oan the Queen's Flight, in a wee metal box tae keep it warm.

But we hae certain standards in the Hoose o' Commons so they hae tae serve it up richt. This is whit it looks like when it's served up, fir mah tea. The Special Reserve Irn Bru is in a glass next tae it (we dinnae drink it oot the can doon here ye ken!) an' they fly that doon an' a. But that has tae come frae Dundee so it's a different flight.


The reason ah mention this is thon Heather Brookes was oan aboot invitin' me oot fir dinner an' that goat me thinkin' (thon happens noo an' again). But, as ah said tae her, there's only ane Heather fir me an' that's Heather wi' the Weather oan BBC Scotland (but dinnae tell Mary Doll).